How do you want to be kissed?

I want him to grab me and pull me to him as though I am his oxygen. 

I want to hear every sexy, love song play in my head as I feel his lips pressed to mine. 

I want to be dizzy...completely dizzy. 

I want to tingle in places that...

I think every person deserves to be shown a complete affection as though they are the most important person to someone. A woman should feel love, respect, and as though she is fragile and strong all at the same time. She should feel like she can conquer whatever she wants to conquer because of the support and love shown to her by this most important man in her life.

I'm not talking one night stands. I'm not even talking about sex. I am talking about love, amor, L'amor, liefde, laska, etc....

Love makes a kiss so much more passionate. It makes one's breath catch in their throat and creates a sensation of falling. It makes you feel like nothing can possibly go wrong. It makes everything in life more tolerable. It makes life good! 

Of course, the science people would like to point out to me that it is endorphins causing all the feel-good emotions in the body. However, I would argue the point. I think it's more. I think that while endorphins do kick in and make us tingly in parts of our body, I would suggest that the feel-good feeling has the power to make us want to feel it again. It makes us want to work out so that we will look good for our mate. It makes us want to clean a little more, dress a little better, dance, or even breathe deeper. It makes life look a bit more manageable. 

I think a kiss that rocks our boat makes us feel special. It makes us know that even for that brief moment we can have something extraordinary. Forget everything bad because I've got someone to share life with! I know someone will be there to kiss me like there is no tomorrow. I know that with that one kiss, I am important. I am special. I am all woman. With that one kiss, I can roar like a freaking lion and the world will step back and know that I am not to be messed with.

A crazy, magnificent kiss can alter a person's life. Have you had one of those lately?

Peace and Love,

Tela

My Jacksonville State University

I visited my college campus today. A tornado decided a few weeks back that it needed to stop and visit my school. It ripped up trees, downed power lines, left whole areas of the campus and the immediate area off-limits, and just left too many houses to count in shambles. I cried.

I wondered how it is that a storm decides it needs to sit down in a certain area and have a party. I am happy there were no deaths in all of that devastation; however, it is bad. People, you can see the storm in every building on campus, it seemed. I used to think the business building with it's huge mural was one of the most intriguing buildings on campus. It's a wreck. Ernest Stone, the drama and English department was hardly touched. It has a few things to show evidence of the tornado, like some upturned roofing and downed trees.

Let's talk the trees on campus. I hope you have pictures of those huge, magnificent things, because the storm took them. If they were not taken, they were beaten to show their despair. I drove around the TMB and there was this lonely tree standing there. It was standing, but if it could talk it would tell a story of whispers from the trees and screams and rumblings from the ground from my campus. I teared up at this tree.

See, JSU is MY campus. It was my dad's campus, my brother's campus, my sister-in-law's campus, my cousins' campus, and it is the home of my SOUTHERNERS! Blow 20Js! I remember yelling that across the field for my brother his freshman year. He he he!!! I remember asking him if he heard me in front of the whole section with Dave Higgins as the section leader of the Toads! Dave laughed and said yes, they had ALLLLLL heard me. I was sold! JSU was going to be my campus, too.

Sure enough, 4 years later and I was a flute player with the Southerners. It was a most awesome experience to march with this fine group of people. Hats off to all of you! No one could trill a trumpet like Tommy could do. He was magic on that thing! Scott, without you, I would have never passed music theory! Thank you! I also remember saving another flute player from exposure at the photo shoot when she passed out in the sun. Before she dropped, she whispered, "I'm not wearing any pants under these!" My memories from JSU always make me giggle.

I have fantastic memories from the Drama Department in 2002-2004 when I returned for my Masters. I would take my Will with me to classes where Dr. Whitton would talk about how he had heard that iguana tastes like chicken. He saw my Will years later and still remembered my oldest son from his class. Will helped in make-up with friends of Jeff and Angela and Jason and our wonderful professor, Freddy. He was always ready to teach us new techniques. I still have my Klingon mask I made in that class. I will never forget Jeff telling Will they had a real bear on stage. Of course, Will wanted to see the bear.

JSU is an awesome school. It will be just fine. Despite the destruction, there were people walking around campus with their heads held high and with smiling faces. There were construction crews working everywhere. I stopped at my favorite yarn store and got my dose of smile for the day. She always remembers us and can't wait to see what I pull out of the discount basket. She also told us about a new skateboard park in Jacksonville by Kitty Stone.

Our day worked out perfect with a stop at the finest BBQ in AL, The Rocket. We visited my campus, my yarn shop, and a skateboard park. Yes, I did get on the board, for just a brief minute. I think I'm too old for that sport!

Peace and Love,

Tela

My Container Garden

 One thing that makes me truly happy is playing in the dirt. From the time I can remember, I was delighted to get my pants dirty by making mud pies under the pine trees. Playing in the dirt is therapeutic to me. That dirt under my nails and the coffee in my hand is free therapy for me and you!

I don't really have the soil to plant too much in the ground. Plus, I already had numerous pots in the garage. I just got them all out yesterday and filled some with some of the dirt from other pots. I just had to plant some of my seeds!

I bought seeds at the dollar store for $.25 each. That's a steal! No, they are not organic and they probably are from last year, but hey, it's a seed!

Memory lane moment! Does anyone remember going to Hunts and Wright in Boaz, AL? It's no longer there, but it was THE place to go for all our seed needs as a kid. I remember how my parents would get the garden tilled and ready for seeds. We would go to that store and the smell of the place would just make you warm with the thoughts of sunshine. He had the big seed bins and scoops for all the different plants. He had bundles of onions and cabbage and strawberries on his sidewalk. We would get all kinds of seeds: green beans, squash, eggplant, okra, watermelon, and anything else we wanted. He had it all! Mom would have him stack up our seeds, then walk outside to the live plants. We always bought live tomatoes, not seeds. We also bought this little bundle of cabbage that could turn into at least 100 plants when separated by Mom! On a funny note, Mom asked me to weed the carrots one time. I pulled up all the carrot plants instead of the weeds. We laughed about it and I replanted the carrots.

I planted herbs yesterday as well as peppers of 3 different varieties to include bell pepper, cayenne, and some other kind I can't remember now. I planted some marigolds in a hanging pot for my courtyard. I need more of those because they are supposed to deter mosquitos. I'll keep you posted on that one! I planted some chives. I really like chives! They are yummy little onion sisters. I also planted some basil and parsley, as well as oregano and Thyme. In a bed of some flowers I also planted some lettuce seed and spinach seed. Popeye will appreciate that! ;-) I still have a few things to plant like cucumbers and green beans. I love green beans! Last year I had a bumper crop of cucumbers growing but the birds decided it was a buffet. Couldn't keep the cuties out of them! I will have to come up with a scarecrow and things to keep the birds out of the garden. I also want some berries and I think I will plant an apple tree. I really like apples, especially with peanut butter!

I also discovered I have the purple flowered clover in my yard. It's in the photo right in the middle. I am excited!

After all my planting yesterday, I decided to sit and relax in one of the most peaceful spots of my backyard.

Today, I need more potting soil.

Peace and Love,

Tela

I've made my decision

I have made my decision. I am afraid that unless the fairy godmother decides to come pay off all of my current bills and helps me to buy a camper, I believe I will have to stay put where I am.

I have a lovely house right here, and for the price of it, I can't beat it. My household bills here are not very bad either. I know my bills are better than some people have. My parents and I were comparing power bills today and I nearly choked over the price they paid this month for their power.

I have loads of things I need to get in order before moving anywhere. I need to make sure my credit is totally grand. I also need to have a job I want to go to on a daily basis. I also need an affordable house, camper, apartment, whatever I decide.

Let's face it. In my lifetime I've had one other house that was affordable in this way. I regretted leaving it after trying to pay for a more expensive place. I believe I am right in staying put. Besides, I can always take trips to the beach...maybe.

Now, instead of sorting through bunches of things and throwing away stuff, I can find it all a happy home and get my house decluttered. Cluttered a little is normal. Cluttered to the point I am now is crazy to me. I can't stand it. Gotta have a little order! That must be the Capricorn in me! ha ha ha!

Now, I have to drink another cup of coffee.

Peace and Love,

Tela

Expenses

Do you ever stop and think about how much money is spent eating out with friends, family, or on the road?

My son and I can zip into a to go spot and spend anywhere from $6 to $20 on one meal. Now, how many times can I do that in a day? At one time when I was driving 60 miles to and from work daily, we would stop almost every evening for supper. Sometimes, we'd stop for breakfast as well. Ok, that would be roughly $20 to $35 per day on fast food all because I was too dang lazy to come home and make something.

Hmmm...

I'm not talking expensive places to eat. Although, there are people who will go out to more expensive places and spend $25-50 per meal for 2 people. They will do that one every night.

How many good for me groceries could I buy for that?

Well, I went to the grocery store yesterday for cheese, all-purpose flour, cherry drink, cheese sticks, blueberries, coffee, and lights for the bathroom. It was a few cents shy of $20. What if I had spent that $20 eating out? I wouldn't have light in the bathroom!

I mowed my own yard this week. What if I had paid the local mower in the neighborhood to mow the yard? He wanted to charge $45 last year just for my small front yard. I said no. I mowed it myself and saved some money!

Look around your house at things you have that maybe serve no purpose. They just kind of sit and collect dust. My last boyfriend, now an ex, collected these vinyl Pop figures. He has a TON of them or 1,300, which is a TON of them! I like Sesame Street. I grew up on it and have always dreamed of writing for the show! I started getting a Sesame Street Pop out and about when I'd be out with him. Then he started collecting those for me and now I have a whole set of big-headed, plastic dolls from Sesame Street! What am I supposed to do with these crazy things?!! It made him happy to collect these stupid things for me. I kind of like them, but kind of don't. When I sit here and look at them, they are kind of creepy! These things costed from about $5 to $25 each depending on where and when they were bought. At 12 of them being priced at say $15 each that equals $180 for that collection. That's a few weeks of groceries in my house!

These are Pops. Not my pops, but still sort of creepy. 

I have stacks of magazines and books. I was never a library kid because I could read faster than they could get new, interesting books. I have spent a lot of money on books. I refuse to even break down that expense! It would make me need more coffee and I am already on cup number 3. Let's just say, I believe in my next life, I will become a library buff!

Peace and Love,

Tela

My House

Good evening my friends! I hope you've all had a wonderful day. I have spent my day in my yard doing yard cleanup! I had my son help me. Then my folks came down and we all ate sandwiches and chips outside. It was a good day!

I've had beautiful azaleas this year. They have had so many gorgeous blooms! 

 They are on top of each other and taller than my head!

Today, I had to mow the yard. Of course one of the pitfalls of loving my half-dead tree are limbs in the yard. I had my son do stick pick-up while I pulled out dead limbs from the azaleas and raked leaves. And raked leaves, and raked some more leaves. 

I'm sure the limb and leaf truck will be happy to fill the truck with one stop! 

My parents want me to stay right here. It is a lovely house with a marvelous yard. I remember picking it because I could see myself staying here. I love the yard and I love the house. I am an avid bookaholic and I don't know what I will do in a camper with all of my books. I guess I will have to keep only a few. (Can a bookaholic do that?!) 

I believe, as I stretch out in my bed in my room tonight I will have to conduct a serious discussion with my little nest. 

I don't know what I plan to do now.

Peace and Love,

Tela

Let's talk finances

Why am I daring to move out of a house and into a camper on the beach?

Well, for one thing, I will see a decrease of roughly half of my debt. I will also save myself around $330 per month on bills by moving into the desired RV park on the beach I want to call home. I'll break it down.

I owe $65K for my house.
I owe $22K for my car.
I owe $50K in student loans
I owe $5K for breaking my apartment rent in GA.
--------------------------------------------------------------
That equals roughly $142K in debt for all the crap I have. 

Now, let us look at the cost of living from this house vs the park.

House
$370-House payment
$200-Power can fluctuate from $70 to $400 depending on the weather.
$60-Wifi
$12-Netflix
$75-Gas can fluctuate from $50 to about $150 depending on the weather.
$25-Water
$457-Car
$239-Verizon phones
-------------------------------------------------------------------
$1,438 per month on bills for the house


Camper
$380-Lot Rent
$75-Power
$0-Wifi is free
$0-TV is free
$12-Netflix
$35-Propane tank for camper depending on how much it is used.
$0-Water is free
$457-Car
$150-T-Mobile
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
$1,109


The camper living is cheaper by $329/month or $3,948/year.

That's a significant savings when added up like this.

After selling the house and paying off the GA debt, I will be only $72k in debt, or half of what I am right now.

Therefore, I am selling the house and hoping to buy a used camper with whatever I have left. I will move to where I felt at home. Get a job teaching there, and practice my life's lessons of work, play, rest, and repeat.

Thank you, for listening to me! I know there are some of you listening. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Peace and Love,

Tela

I hate Wal-mart

I have no real reason for hating Wal-mart, but I do.

I have been walking into the dreaded arena and told people in the parking lot that I hate Wal-mart. A man laughed one day and agreed with me.

I needed toilet paper and dogfood today. Those 2 things are cheaper at that dreaded store than the other stores around here. Ugh...Today must have been the day for people to go that need the little roll around chairs. You know the motorized chairs that people get into and race from section to section until the battery dies. Then they find another one and leave the original chair in the middle of the aisle.

I had preeclampsia and gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with my last son. The doctor told me to use one of those chairs. I didn't. I thought there might be someone who actually needed it that would benefit from my not using it.

Today, there were numerous people who would have benefited from walking the store instead of riding in that chair. That's probably all I should say about that.

The other thing I noticed is this: Have people forgotten how to wear clothes that resemble clothes appropriate for being in public? I saw a woman with shorty white shorts on, no underwear (that was obvious), and a tank top that was practically see thru. It was probably her daughter's shirt because it didn't fit her! Her braless boobs were enjoying the field trip. When she got up and pulled that outfit on what part of her brain gave her a thumbs up?

I saw people who must not know what it means to use shampoo! Can you imagine not washing your hair and letting everyone see you that way?! Gross! I can't stand the feeling of not bathing. I remember a woman leaving the store I worked in a long time ago as an assistant manager. My manager asked what that awful smell had been. Her. People, stop the nose assault! There are items called soap and deodorant. Its purpose is to make the stink go away. Use it until the people come back around you.

I got my dog food, bird food, and cat food and left the dreaded store.

I did think this bagging to be comical. Have a great day!

Peace and Love,

Tela

What is success?

I found a picture of Patrick Stewart this morning on the front of a magazine from 2017 when he did an interview with "The Rake" about his life as an actor. 

Patrick Stewart is a success! He has acted in numerous movies, onstage in the theatre, and doing any and everything under the sun! Did I mention he is also a Sir? He is. 

I say this because in looking for a new job in another state I ponder on myself and whether I am successful. I don't really feel very successful when I look in my wallet to find $14 left to my name at the moment and decide those beans in the cabinet looks very filling. Not tasty, but filling will do for now. 

What exactly is success? Is it leaving a bad job because it was so very stressful that it placed me on medications for blood pressure and sugar? Is it leaving an abuser who has since stalked me for years? Is it graduating from college to have a MS degree and a student loan?

Some people would probably say success is making lots of money. Well, I know many people who are way better off than I am financially, but they are miserable! They are like Scrooge and wouldn't do anything for happiness if it hit them in the head! I don't think it's defined as money. Money does help one to be happier sometimes, yes, but it is not everything.

Is success defined by those people around you? Does your family approve of whatever it is that just makes your heart sing? If you were doing well off and people wanted to know your secret would they look at you differently if you told them you wrote smut for a living because sex sells? I remember a college professor in the sociology department talking about meeting people at the liquor store. He said no one wanted to say hi there; however, on Sunday, they all wanted to shake hands at church. Success, right?

Is success making yourself so central in people's lives that they can't live without you? You know what I mean. There is always that one friend or family member who just has to say their point in the hope that you will come around to their way of thinking...because they are so darn successful in their own pitiful lives. They want to share everything with you, and you should feel honored, including their failed attempts to even be remotely happy!

 Also, does success have to be viewed as a success by more than just yourself? A poor man under the bridge might see his new box as a success from where he came from with no box. A teacher might view success as watching a light bulb go off whenever a student gets nouns and verbs. I might feel successful because I did all my laundry! A preacher might feel successful because he had 2 more people in his congregation today. A grandparent might feel successful because they can look at their grandkids and see them smiling. A child might make a C on a math test and that's a success compared to the F he made last week. A teenager's truck might crank. A chef might get a new job at a fancy restaurant. A baby might say her first words. The sun might shine! 

 If this blog post hits home with some people, I'm sorry. It is filled of things I was just pondering today about success. We ALL have success in our lives, even when it's hiding under a shell.

Peace and Love,

Tela

Goal -- Work, play, rest...repeat

What exactly is a goal? It's a dream put to reality.

I believe I had forgotten to set goals. I think I had forgotten about more things than just taking up breathing space in this world. You ever do that? I have been doing that for some time.

Recently, I have moved back to AL because I had a house here and thought it was possibly the right thing to do. It is not the right move for me. I need to be somewhere else. I need to be where the beach air soothes this soul of mine. So that's the BIG goal...live near enough to the beach I can visit it any time I want.

Big Goal - Live on beach

There are other goals that lead up to that goal.

I want to obtain employment in a college. I have a MS in Education, ELA. I have a BSW, as well. I believe I should be able to find a job doing something in a community college setting. I would enjoy that very much. There are a ton of community colleges in Florida. I have my sights set on a few of them.

Have you ever noticed how all of our stuff gathers? I have a ton of stuff! A ton!

This is actually a bit more organized than it was. I have books sorted and cloth crafts sorted. I know I don't need this many movies either:

but here they are! Do you have stacks of stuff? Boxes of things that you just know you will use one day? Psst...you are probably not going to use any of that crap in those boxes and it will sit there until you die when your kids will have to decide why you needed 5 boxes of craft stuff! I don't need 5 boxes of craft crap! I am sure someone is chomping at the bit for those boxes of crafts and they are more than welcome to them at a future yard sale!

That's not even including a shelf full of random crap:

Please note the beach sign in this picture. I will be taking it along with the ballet dancer with me. The rest of that crap has gotta go!

My son and I have plans to live on a beach in Florida in a camper. I don't believe a camper we can afford will hold 5 boxes of crafts for me to just horde for a while. It won't hold all the superfluous things we have just waiting to be used. It will only hold the stuff we use every day. That's fine by me! 

I need to breathe. While visiting with my brother at his camper the other day, I loved it. It was simple. It wasn't cluttered. It was not deprivation in any sort of fashion. That's what I want. I am pretty sure we are headed to the camper life because everyone I talk to LOVES it! They have no regrets. They do exactly what they want, when they want, and expect no flap from their neighbors. Sounds great to me.

I am moving towards my goal of living on the beach. I have many things with which to work towards that goal. I just need to get up off my ass and get busy.

Peace and Love,

Tela

Choices...

Farm or ocean? Which one should I pick?

Farm?

My son said it best with regards to a farm. 

"Mom, do you want to clean up poop every day?"

"Well," I said. "I don't think I'd have to clean it every day."

He shook his 13 year old head and said, "A farm means we gotta clean up shit, and if that's what you want, fine. Get me a shovel and here we go!"

He's right, if you think about it. I had a horse growing up and I remember clearly mucking her stall. It is a procedure that will either make you love or hate the horse that much more. I loved my horse. 

I've had rabbits and chickens as an adult. Cleaning their poop is another factor entirely! I have dug up all the poop to add as fertilizer to the garden. The garden loved it. It is back breaking work to dig up piles of poop to add to a garden. You shovel it from under or in the cages into a wheel barrow and haul it 50 feet to the garden. By the time I was finished, I think the distance had grown to at least a couple of miles! And that shovel was heavy! I smelled wonderful at the end of that day!

To think about the beach is a wonderful thought. It relaxes me. It simplifies me. It has me thinking about how I can learn to go to work and come home and relax. I ate supper with my brother this weekend and my son asked his uncle what he did in the evenings after work. He was told that after all the work things he has to do, he enjoys sitting down and listening to music or grilling or just talking with his wife. In other words, my brother doesn't really stress about things. He lives. He works and comes home to play. I could learn to live that way. My brother has simplified his life by moving out of a house and into a RV. He had to simplify down to the basics of what he truly wants and uses daily. He loves it! I admire him! 

To make either of my dreams come true, I will have to simplify things. I want to get my life down to the simple act of living. I want to go to work daily and come home to relax. Isn't that what our homes are for? Aren't we working so we can afford to relax and do the things we want to do with our money? 

I got this. I can do it. Now, let's pick a beach I want to be near, find a job there, sell the house, sell lots of stuff I don't use, and enjoy life just a little bit before I become an old fart! You can keep the poop shovel!

Peace and Love,

Tela

On the other hand...

Flip flops are brilliant things! They are wonderful in the sand on the beach. Oh, how my toes want the beach. I love to sink my whole foot in the sand, just let only the top of my foot peep out from the sand. I can feel mother nature on the beach like no where else I've ever been. 

When I was homeless for a brief time a few summers ago, we ended up on the beach in MS. It was marvelous. It was a beach where we could spend the night. Yes, to spend the night on a beach in the salty air is my kind of heaven. I didn't need fancy digs to go back to. All I needed was the beach and an ocean breeze to cool me. I needed nothing else. I was free. I could watch people walk every day on the beach and see they felt the same way I did.

These people would come daily to walk and they had smiles on their faces. Look around you and see how many people are smiling where you are? I'm not talking about the people who visit the beaches. They are a different breed of people. Those are the people who carry tons of stuff to the beach. The poor husbands are left to lug wagon loads of toys, towels, umbrellas, sunscreen, boats, paddles, games, food, drinks, and anything else the wife thinks might be important for them to have at their day on the beach. I'm not talking about them. I am talking about the people who make it with only 1 bag with a towel and their flip flops and their keys. They don't bring their cell phones and sit there playing on the phone. They play on the beach. 

While there I saw more sights and sounds and smells that I will never forget. I heard the bells of the fishing ships in the early morning dawn. Ding, ding, ding! It made me smile. 

I saw horses being ridden on the beach. The sand flying up from the horse hooves that ran across the sand. The horsetails flaring behind the horse and rider. The sight was breathtaking. 

There was a woman that was so beautiful that I thought she must be some kind of spiritual being. She seemed to be wrapped up in the arms of the ocean and allowing it to show the ocean's magnificence through her own display. She was alone and walking in a flowing dress of red. She'd kind of run a little while holding onto her glasses. She had a hat but swept it off and her hair fell in darkness around her shoulders. She was extraordinary!

I saw my sons playing on the beach. Even though we had made coffee and tea on the dashboard in our water bottles, they were happier than I've ever seen them. Even though we had none of those toys that other kids had, we were all blessed. We needed the ocean. We needed that place. It was home. I remember driving to this beach at about 1 in the morning. There were no lights on this beach where we were at the moment, but I could hear it. I could smell it. I could feel the sensation of the beach atmosphere. I stated "I am home." I want that peace again. I want to feel completely at home in a place to the point that I want nothing else! I want to wake up every day and think how lucky I am to be so close to the beach. I want to feel the stress of the day wash off my shoulders as I slip out of my flip flops and into the waves that caress my feet in welcome.

So, just maybe, I should do beach stuff. Maybe that is where I am supposed to be. Maybe that is where my heart is calling me...to the beach. 

Peace and Love,

Tela