My ex-husband and the biological father of my children abused me and my children. He promised to love me, swore to protect me, and pledged to love our children. He broke all those promises. He said he wanted children, but he only wanted more people to control. He wanted someone to dominate.
While I was pregnant with Gabriel, he broke into the house, stalked me, and abused Will to the point that my stress level caused Gabriel to have a stroke before he was even born. He has put me and my family through hell all for his own selfish reasons.
All of his abuse has created the broken me that I am. I am having to learn how to accept love without worrying about how it will hurt later. I am having to learn how to move forward with that coward still stalking me and watching from the shadows. I am having to learn that our government will put a person in jail for feeding an alligator, but will not put a raping, abusing, pedophile behind bars.
It's very disturbing to me that a person can travel 2 states to sit and watch us at a flea market every Sunday we choose to go. There is something wrong with a system that knows a person is an abuser and unsafe to others, but they won't be able to prosecute him. It's wrong when a report was made many years ago and a system decided since the perpetrator lived 2 states away we were not in any "imminent danger."
This kind of thinking does little for a psyche that is trying to understand how someone who swore before God that he would love and cherish me and our kids could hurt us so badly. How? Why? I know all those answers, but it is still illogical because I can never think that way. I don't think about trying to rule someone and control someone. I don't think about how I can make others uncomfortable by spending hours of my life watching them. It just isn't nice.
It's been over 6 years since this person has seen either of my children in a healthy fashion. Now, he's decided he has rights to see them. I'm sorry. No. You chose to hurt us. You chose to walk out. You chose to kill us slowly by all of your abuse. You have hurt us enough. Go find a hobby that doesn't hurt anyone. You are wrong and while you should be locked up and done to you what you did to us, you are free. You don't even have to look over your shoulder for us. We don't want to follow you. We have a life we are trying to live. Leave us alone! Go back to your hole in the wall and stay there. You are one of many abusers who will never be prosecuted until you face your maker. When you face Him, He will be the one you answer to for all the abuse. He will look at you and play a slide show for you of all the hurt you've caused to pass across your own blood's face. He will not be fooled by your word games and golden military career. He will see you for the abuser you are and show you how even though it's been years, you still mess with all of our minds. Our children will always suffer the effects of the hurt you caused; one from the direct abuse and years of mental anguish; the other one from seizures and scar tissues that have given him a severe learning disability and no telling what else that only time will tell.
You are no man. You are a monster. You should be ashamed of yourself for hurting us in so many ways that our very bones feel the injury. You should hang your head in shame for continuing to hurt us. I know you have hurt people before. I wish they would find the courage to step up and tell their story about you. I bet you've hurt some of the very people I've met who looked me in the eye and said you could do no wrong. You are a liar. You are an abuser. You are a rapist. You are a pedophile. You are one sick monster who feeds off the harm you inflict on others; and, you are wrong.
I am a survivor. MY children are survivors. We don't need you, nor do we want you. You think you can threaten us with all kinds of things now, but it still doesn't change what you are. It only proves my point time and time again that you are an awful person who should not even get that privilege of being called a human being.
I will help others like me because there are so many of us out there. For years I have not spoken of this because of fear of what he might do to me and my family. For years he has controlled us in this manner. The courts have allowed it. It's wrong. These men who do this are cowards. They are afraid of losing control. I am taking my control back. I will not let my children go hang out with a known child molester like you. Just because you share a bit of blood doesn't make it any different. You are dangerous to our health in more ways than one. You are an abomination. Go away!
I've had all of this so built up. I have been going through all of the court issues this monster is bringing up and I finally broke down last week in church and told everyone. I realize now that there is so much love out here for me and my family. I never knew. He didn't want me to know. He wanted me to think I was stupid, useless, and deserved to die, as he threatened on numerous occasions. That's not true. I am an educated woman and I intend to help other women understand that they deserve a love that is true and good. I will help other women to see that they can be happy; that they deserve to be happy. I will help other children who have been abused to understand that not all men are monsters. I will help them to understand that there should never be an ulterior motive behind someone's love other than wanting to see their smiling face.
I am a writer. It's what I do. I'm choosing to write a happy ending in my story. I hope to help others to write that happy ending, too. Together, we will heal each other so just maybe we aren't quite as broken as we were.
I'm here to listen and help us through, one word at a time.