My ex-husband and the biological father of my children abused me and my children. He promised to love me, swore to protect me, and pledged to love our children. He broke all those promises. He said he wanted children, but he only wanted more people to control. He wanted someone to dominate.
While I was pregnant with Gabriel, he broke into the house, stalked me, and abused Will to the point that my stress level caused Gabriel to have a stroke before he was even born. He has put me and my family through hell all for his own selfish reasons.
All of his abuse has created the broken me that I am. I am having to learn how to accept love without worrying about how it will hurt later. I am having to learn how to move forward with that coward still stalking me and watching from the shadows. I am having to learn that our government will put a person in jail for feeding an alligator, but will not put a raping, abusing, pedophile behind bars.
It's very disturbing to me that a person can travel 2 states to sit and watch us at a flea market every Sunday we choose to go. There is something wrong with a system that knows a person is an abuser and unsafe to others, but they won't be able to prosecute him. It's wrong when a report was made many years ago and a system decided since the perpetrator lived 2 states away we were not in any "imminent danger."
This kind of thinking does little for a psyche that is trying to understand how someone who swore before God that he would love and cherish me and our kids could hurt us so badly. How? Why? I know all those answers, but it is still illogical because I can never think that way. I don't think about trying to rule someone and control someone. I don't think about how I can make others uncomfortable by spending hours of my life watching them. It just isn't nice.
It's been over 6 years since this person has seen either of my children in a healthy fashion. Now, he's decided he has rights to see them. I'm sorry. No. You chose to hurt us. You chose to walk out. You chose to kill us slowly by all of your abuse. You have hurt us enough. Go find a hobby that doesn't hurt anyone. You are wrong and while you should be locked up and done to you what you did to us, you are free. You don't even have to look over your shoulder for us. We don't want to follow you. We have a life we are trying to live. Leave us alone! Go back to your hole in the wall and stay there. You are one of many abusers who will never be prosecuted until you face your maker. When you face Him, He will be the one you answer to for all the abuse. He will look at you and play a slide show for you of all the hurt you've caused to pass across your own blood's face. He will not be fooled by your word games and golden military career. He will see you for the abuser you are and show you how even though it's been years, you still mess with all of our minds. Our children will always suffer the effects of the hurt you caused; one from the direct abuse and years of mental anguish; the other one from seizures and scar tissues that have given him a severe learning disability and no telling what else that only time will tell.
You are no man. You are a monster. You should be ashamed of yourself for hurting us in so many ways that our very bones feel the injury. You should hang your head in shame for continuing to hurt us. I know you have hurt people before. I wish they would find the courage to step up and tell their story about you. I bet you've hurt some of the very people I've met who looked me in the eye and said you could do no wrong. You are a liar. You are an abuser. You are a rapist. You are a pedophile. You are one sick monster who feeds off the harm you inflict on others; and, you are wrong.
I am a survivor. MY children are survivors. We don't need you, nor do we want you. You think you can threaten us with all kinds of things now, but it still doesn't change what you are. It only proves my point time and time again that you are an awful person who should not even get that privilege of being called a human being.
I will help others like me because there are so many of us out there. For years I have not spoken of this because of fear of what he might do to me and my family. For years he has controlled us in this manner. The courts have allowed it. It's wrong. These men who do this are cowards. They are afraid of losing control. I am taking my control back. I will not let my children go hang out with a known child molester like you. Just because you share a bit of blood doesn't make it any different. You are dangerous to our health in more ways than one. You are an abomination. Go away!
I've had all of this so built up. I have been going through all of the court issues this monster is bringing up and I finally broke down last week in church and told everyone. I realize now that there is so much love out here for me and my family. I never knew. He didn't want me to know. He wanted me to think I was stupid, useless, and deserved to die, as he threatened on numerous occasions. That's not true. I am an educated woman and I intend to help other women understand that they deserve a love that is true and good. I will help other women to see that they can be happy; that they deserve to be happy. I will help other children who have been abused to understand that not all men are monsters. I will help them to understand that there should never be an ulterior motive behind someone's love other than wanting to see their smiling face.
I am a writer. It's what I do. I'm choosing to write a happy ending in my story. I hope to help others to write that happy ending, too. Together, we will heal each other so just maybe we aren't quite as broken as we were.
I'm here to listen and help us through, one word at a time.
Tela
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Good news should outweigh the bad
I woke up with Anne Murry's A Little Good News on my mind and I pulled it up to listen to it. I have always loved that song. It talks about how there is always bad news flooding the media. It's true. I have a theory I want to share on how maybe, just maybe, we can turn around the bad in our world to be good.
Someone who does something bad, like shoot innocent people watching a movie, gets their picture plastered across all forms of media. There's not a place that terrorist can look without seeing his face. He must be very proud and feel as though he is a hero in a sick and twisted world he's created. Someone rapes someone, murders someone, holds someone hostage and the news is all over it! Those bad guys get front page attention, book contracts, and more publicity than even the Queen!
What if the media stopped showing these bad guy faces on the news? What if instead of focusing on all the bad in the world we had news stories about a teenager trying to promote more attendance of youth in his church? What about reporting on news of a shelter that's fed 200 people a day for 15 years? What about reporting on a person who for the first time in their family's history has had someone graduate from college?
In watching the Olympics gymnastics last night one US girl did not make the All Around Round in gymnastics; however, 2 of her teammates did make the All Around. Instead of focusing on the celebration of the 2 girls who did make it the media zoomed in tight on the other girl's sadness and tears. Please, stop doing things like this! We have to try and focus our minds on the good around us instead of all the bad.
I know, first hand how bad news impacts our lives. I was abused by my ex husband, and for years, years, I have allowed all those feelings to rule my life. He hurt my self-esteem to the point that I felt I wasn't even worthy of love, not even God's love. I have only recently learned that I am worthy of love. I am worthy of good things happening to me. More people need to know how much God loves them, how much their fellow man loves them. The crazies really do not outnumber the sane in this country, but you can't tell that by our news. All of us good people have to put on our armour and battle these demons! We have to decide we are tired of being bombarded with craziness and turn it around!
We have to put out good stuff to receive good in return. We have to stop saturating the earth with bad and start putting in some new. You wouldn't plant a tree in the summer and not water it would you? No. You know to water that good tree. So, water all the things that are good and those good things will grow! All of us have to do our part and give more good to this world.
I don't care what religion you are, most faiths of any kind still want peace and understanding in this world. That comes from simply following the rule of treating people as we want to be treated. Be good to each other, care about each other, show some compassion, then report on that good stuff! Saturate your local news with good human interest stories. Eventually, they will listen. Eventually the bad guys will be placed at the back of the attention they so eagerly crave and maybe they won't do bad in order to get their moment of fame. Eventually, maybe we'll see a smiling face on the front of a paper some time other than once or twice a year.
Good news should really outweigh the bad news all the time.
Tela
Someone who does something bad, like shoot innocent people watching a movie, gets their picture plastered across all forms of media. There's not a place that terrorist can look without seeing his face. He must be very proud and feel as though he is a hero in a sick and twisted world he's created. Someone rapes someone, murders someone, holds someone hostage and the news is all over it! Those bad guys get front page attention, book contracts, and more publicity than even the Queen!
What if the media stopped showing these bad guy faces on the news? What if instead of focusing on all the bad in the world we had news stories about a teenager trying to promote more attendance of youth in his church? What about reporting on news of a shelter that's fed 200 people a day for 15 years? What about reporting on a person who for the first time in their family's history has had someone graduate from college?
In watching the Olympics gymnastics last night one US girl did not make the All Around Round in gymnastics; however, 2 of her teammates did make the All Around. Instead of focusing on the celebration of the 2 girls who did make it the media zoomed in tight on the other girl's sadness and tears. Please, stop doing things like this! We have to try and focus our minds on the good around us instead of all the bad.
I know, first hand how bad news impacts our lives. I was abused by my ex husband, and for years, years, I have allowed all those feelings to rule my life. He hurt my self-esteem to the point that I felt I wasn't even worthy of love, not even God's love. I have only recently learned that I am worthy of love. I am worthy of good things happening to me. More people need to know how much God loves them, how much their fellow man loves them. The crazies really do not outnumber the sane in this country, but you can't tell that by our news. All of us good people have to put on our armour and battle these demons! We have to decide we are tired of being bombarded with craziness and turn it around!
We have to put out good stuff to receive good in return. We have to stop saturating the earth with bad and start putting in some new. You wouldn't plant a tree in the summer and not water it would you? No. You know to water that good tree. So, water all the things that are good and those good things will grow! All of us have to do our part and give more good to this world.
I don't care what religion you are, most faiths of any kind still want peace and understanding in this world. That comes from simply following the rule of treating people as we want to be treated. Be good to each other, care about each other, show some compassion, then report on that good stuff! Saturate your local news with good human interest stories. Eventually, they will listen. Eventually the bad guys will be placed at the back of the attention they so eagerly crave and maybe they won't do bad in order to get their moment of fame. Eventually, maybe we'll see a smiling face on the front of a paper some time other than once or twice a year.
Good news should really outweigh the bad news all the time.
Tela
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
WEEKEND POSTS
On my facebook page of https://www.facebook.com/telawallenfiction I have the Weekend Posts every weekend where I welcome authors to post links to their books, blogs, reviews, trailers... anything to do with their books for the whole weekend. Then I share their posts so everyone can see it.
I started this because I was trying to post to another page one day and I couldn't remember the rules that particular page requested an author to follow. I finally decided I bet there were more than just myself who couldn't remember all the rules for every page without first rereading them. I thought it would be refreshing to be able to just post my book to a wall and not worry about how I worded it or if I included stars or anything else.
So, that is how my Weekend Post was born. I have no rules. Just post your links however you like Friday through Sunday and I'll share it with everyone. I accept any genre from children's to erotica, whatever you write! Post it and I'll share it.
I enjoy doing this every weekend. I've met some of the most wonderful people!! I hope I am helping my fellow authors in more ways than one. Stop by anytime!!
Happy Posting!
Tela
I started this because I was trying to post to another page one day and I couldn't remember the rules that particular page requested an author to follow. I finally decided I bet there were more than just myself who couldn't remember all the rules for every page without first rereading them. I thought it would be refreshing to be able to just post my book to a wall and not worry about how I worded it or if I included stars or anything else.
So, that is how my Weekend Post was born. I have no rules. Just post your links however you like Friday through Sunday and I'll share it with everyone. I accept any genre from children's to erotica, whatever you write! Post it and I'll share it.
I enjoy doing this every weekend. I've met some of the most wonderful people!! I hope I am helping my fellow authors in more ways than one. Stop by anytime!!
Happy Posting!
Tela
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Ramblings and Wanderings about Friends
I think I will just ramble and wander around some topics today. Y'all just hang on.
I visited with a dear friend of mine from school today and it was as if no time has passed between us. I wonder how many people just naturally move forward in that manner as though time stood still. To say I've missed this friend is true. I have. I always got along much better with the people in the classes above my own; and, when this class graduated I felt alone. My very bestest friends had already graduated and moved on to college. Thank you, my friend, for a wonderful visit. I look forward to more family get togethers in the future. You are part of my family and I look forward to it.
As I was talking to this person they shared some important insights into myself that I haven't thought of before. Ironically, I had told my own son this very trait, but had never thought about it for myself. Their kid and mine were all too happy to play together and it goes to show that when kids are raised right they are happy to play with anyone. All 3 of the boys were different ages, but they all got along perfectly, pulling out video games, checkers, and chess as well as enjoying some sparing in the martial arts they each know. I enjoyed looking at pictures of their family and catching up as well as recollecting old times.
People need each other. We need to reach out to others more than even most of us do. We need to be willing to ask for help sometimes when we are overwhelmed by life; and, realize this is not an admission of weakness. It doesn't take money either to reach out to people. I know lots of people who are perfectly happy just to receive a moment of my time to listen to them. Think about your own children. They never smile more than when you are playing with them. In talking to my friend's son today he was all too proud to tell me about playing board games with his parents and spending time doing things with them. He was proud of that closeness. Most people are happy with time much more than material things. That's what is remembered about us, the time we give to people.
Now, go find you a good book and curl up to it and read it aloud to someone in your house. I'm sure they will love it!
Have a great night.
Tela
I visited with a dear friend of mine from school today and it was as if no time has passed between us. I wonder how many people just naturally move forward in that manner as though time stood still. To say I've missed this friend is true. I have. I always got along much better with the people in the classes above my own; and, when this class graduated I felt alone. My very bestest friends had already graduated and moved on to college. Thank you, my friend, for a wonderful visit. I look forward to more family get togethers in the future. You are part of my family and I look forward to it.
As I was talking to this person they shared some important insights into myself that I haven't thought of before. Ironically, I had told my own son this very trait, but had never thought about it for myself. Their kid and mine were all too happy to play together and it goes to show that when kids are raised right they are happy to play with anyone. All 3 of the boys were different ages, but they all got along perfectly, pulling out video games, checkers, and chess as well as enjoying some sparing in the martial arts they each know. I enjoyed looking at pictures of their family and catching up as well as recollecting old times.
People need each other. We need to reach out to others more than even most of us do. We need to be willing to ask for help sometimes when we are overwhelmed by life; and, realize this is not an admission of weakness. It doesn't take money either to reach out to people. I know lots of people who are perfectly happy just to receive a moment of my time to listen to them. Think about your own children. They never smile more than when you are playing with them. In talking to my friend's son today he was all too proud to tell me about playing board games with his parents and spending time doing things with them. He was proud of that closeness. Most people are happy with time much more than material things. That's what is remembered about us, the time we give to people.
Now, go find you a good book and curl up to it and read it aloud to someone in your house. I'm sure they will love it!
Have a great night.
Tela
Saturday, July 14, 2012
50 Shades of Grey Review
http://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Shades-Grey-Book-Trilogy/dp/0345803485/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342298944&sr=1-1&keywords=50+shades+of+gray
I have finished reading the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy and here's my take on it.
When I first started reading it, all I could think of was how I was reading Twilight. There are tons of similarities between the two books, which I know has been pointed out by other reviewers; but, just let me mention a few similarities. First of all Anastasia is a clutz. She literally trips into Christian's office and he has to be the hero in helping her up to her feet. She has a ditzy mom who is unable to take care of herself. The man Ana calls dad fishes and is a man of few words. Christian just needs a set of fangs with which to tell Ana how bad he is for her. Instead he welds a twitchy palm that wants to spank the dear Ana for not following his extensive list of rules. There is also another beau who would love to be more to Ana than just her friend. Ana of course says no to Jose telling him the age old line of how they are like brother and sister but nothing more. Poor boy!
It's quite hilarious because with all the lip biting Ana does it makes the reader almost bite her own knowing that it will get her a gift (an expensive gift) from the rich and powerful Christian.
The book continues along with a lot of repetitiveness that either makes the reader say, "How cute!" or "Yuck!"
There have been so many people who have focused on how UNChristian this book is and I believe it a bit ironic that the main character's name is Christian. Let me pause for a minute in laughter. I can't help myself! LOL!! This book is not near as kinky as lots of people want us to think it is. As Christian points out to Ana their sex life is pretty darn vanilla with just a sprinkling of spankings, hair pullings, being tied up a bit, and only one other set of balls. Hehe!! There's a small fraction of time spent on describing some of the more flavorful bits and pieces within the Red Room of Pain, but very little of it is actually used in the novel. I'm sure there were many of us who were deeply disappointed with this. We had wanted to read some naughtiness, but of course there's not a whole lot of it here. This novel is more like a Twilight with a little sex thrown into the mix.
I was discussing this book with a group of ladies at the book store and we all said that no man in the world could be as good as Christian at giving gifts and taking care of his woman in the way that he did. We all agreed that we could definitely put up with a few spankings for the power and riches Christian bestowed on his woman. It's a fair book, good for a frivilous first read; but, I don't think we will be rereading it anytime soon.
Happy Reading!
Tela
I have finished reading the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy and here's my take on it.
When I first started reading it, all I could think of was how I was reading Twilight. There are tons of similarities between the two books, which I know has been pointed out by other reviewers; but, just let me mention a few similarities. First of all Anastasia is a clutz. She literally trips into Christian's office and he has to be the hero in helping her up to her feet. She has a ditzy mom who is unable to take care of herself. The man Ana calls dad fishes and is a man of few words. Christian just needs a set of fangs with which to tell Ana how bad he is for her. Instead he welds a twitchy palm that wants to spank the dear Ana for not following his extensive list of rules. There is also another beau who would love to be more to Ana than just her friend. Ana of course says no to Jose telling him the age old line of how they are like brother and sister but nothing more. Poor boy!
It's quite hilarious because with all the lip biting Ana does it makes the reader almost bite her own knowing that it will get her a gift (an expensive gift) from the rich and powerful Christian.
The book continues along with a lot of repetitiveness that either makes the reader say, "How cute!" or "Yuck!"
There have been so many people who have focused on how UNChristian this book is and I believe it a bit ironic that the main character's name is Christian. Let me pause for a minute in laughter. I can't help myself! LOL!! This book is not near as kinky as lots of people want us to think it is. As Christian points out to Ana their sex life is pretty darn vanilla with just a sprinkling of spankings, hair pullings, being tied up a bit, and only one other set of balls. Hehe!! There's a small fraction of time spent on describing some of the more flavorful bits and pieces within the Red Room of Pain, but very little of it is actually used in the novel. I'm sure there were many of us who were deeply disappointed with this. We had wanted to read some naughtiness, but of course there's not a whole lot of it here. This novel is more like a Twilight with a little sex thrown into the mix.
I was discussing this book with a group of ladies at the book store and we all said that no man in the world could be as good as Christian at giving gifts and taking care of his woman in the way that he did. We all agreed that we could definitely put up with a few spankings for the power and riches Christian bestowed on his woman. It's a fair book, good for a frivilous first read; but, I don't think we will be rereading it anytime soon.
Happy Reading!
Tela
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Romance Writer
This week there was a post about the Fifty Shades. Someone was saying it was a sin to read books like that with sex through them that made the reader feel lust. They were especially concerned about a Christian person reading the likes of that type of literature that would make one feel such base emotions.As a writer of romance books I had to make a comment; and, after thinking about it a little more, I decided to do a whole blog post about it.
When I write my romance books I want people to feel passion as they read it. I want them to look to their partner after they've read it and say, "you know, you're looking good!" What's wrong with that? Nothing. Further more, what's wrong with feeling a little lust? A healthy dose of lust can go a long way for a relationship! It can put a spark back into the deal that was missing or lacking. What's the point in reading a romance novel if there's no spark? I'm not saying there has to be sex in every romance novel; however, there's nothing wrong with it being there either.
Now, I have never been told I can't read something. I think if I had been told that, it would have worked in the opposite way and I would have read whatever the forbidden material was as soon as I could! I don't think we are what we read. We have a choice how we feel and act about what we read. Reading fiction is a form of escapism. We want to get away from our normal every day life in order to experience the extraordinary. That doesn't mean that if I read a book about superman that I think I can fly. I don't. I have a brain. It has not turned to the mush I sometimes write and read. I make the choice as to what I do each day regardless of what I read. I can't even say that I've read something of sexual prowess that made me go jump anyone the minute I saw them. Hmmm.
I say let people read what they want to. I'm sure that no matter what you read, there are worse books out there as well as better. Sometimes bad is better, sometimes not. Either way, it's your choice what you read and how you respond to it. Personally, I hope when one reads my romance books they can't wait to tackle their partner and make mad passionate love to them.
Happy Reading!
Tela
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